That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
