Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
