I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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