I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
