My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
