she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
