Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
