mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
