If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Buhtt sex?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
