do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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