So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
