and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
