I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
