me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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