Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
