omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
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