I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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