she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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