roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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