I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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