Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
