I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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