So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
