There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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