I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
