it hurts more in the daytime
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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