At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
