Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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