OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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