Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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