Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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