I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
