she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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