I want to walk on stilts...naked
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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