Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
