Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
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