I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
