Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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