I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
