wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
