Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize