This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
