i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
