Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
