if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
