He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
