he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
