I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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