If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
