walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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