My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
