What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the day after is always just damage control
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
