new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
