Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
