I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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