just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize