Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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