I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
