Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
