the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Randomize
