i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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