I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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