if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
